pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
