Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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