Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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