Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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