Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
