Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
