im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
