I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
