Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
