That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
