I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
