You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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