so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
