It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
