Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
