you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
