So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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