What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
