Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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