So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
