dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
