You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
