My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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