just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
