Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
