Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
