I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it glows. i had to have it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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