I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
