he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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