cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
