Nicole vs. Life
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
