I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
