Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
