but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
