The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
