never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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