You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
