she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
These tits shall not be calmed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
