The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
