so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
