omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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