wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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