last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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