In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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