Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
