He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
