Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
