you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
