So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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