Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
