I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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