I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
