He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
