Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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