When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Even my vagina gasped.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
