He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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