oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
