I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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