and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
