i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
