I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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